neveratrest:

Howdy!

Are you interested in learning a new language? Need something translated to/from Portuguese? Looking for something to read that suits your particular interests, or someone to edit your writing? Do you have money to spend in those things? If the answer is yes, pal, do I have good news for you!

As a modern man trying to have it all, I am qualified to help you with literally all of that! I can teach you Portuguese, and I can translate things, too. I’m also a writer and an editor! And guess what? I need money! In a capitalist society when someone has a skill and needs money they usually lend that skill to someone who needs it and has money, and that’s the world we live in, so here I am, being a capitalist pig. Because a boy’s gotta eat, you know, and Ramen doesn’t pay for itself.

Frequently Asqued Questions:

But couldn’t I learn a language on my own? Well, yeah. I did. But it’s hard and it takes years! Wouldn’t you rather have someone tailor lessons specifically to your needs?
But can’t I just use Google Translate? Yes, but you see, language is a living, breathing thing, that needs love and attention. Language is art, and a software can’t replace an artist.
But couldn’t I just look for new reading material on AO3? You could, but it wouldn’t be specifically tailored to your tastes and needs, now would it? Yeah, it’s a coffee shop au, but is it a coffee shop au with a robot alien barista and a cute werewolf kindergarden teacher in glasses and five colors in his hair? I didn’t think so.
But couldn’t I just edit my own work? Who has the time for that? I mean, I do, because I have nothing going on in my life, but you got better things to do! Go watch that cat video, or party, or eat ice-cream, or whatever it is kids do nowadays. Let me worry about all that pesky editing.
Local? We don’t live anywhere near each other! Well, physically, yes. But, as a child of the Internet, I am, and always will be, local to our cyber community, you know? It’s just a matter of perspective.

So, if you’re interested in supporting your local gay wordsmith, you can contact me through the ask box or the IM feature, right from the comfort of your very own Tumblr dot com! Pricing goes as follows:

Payment happens through PayPal, and everything happens over the internet, with no need for any kind of human contact. Neat, right? 

Regardless, I hope you have a fantastic day. Thank you, and I look forward to doing business with you.

With Love, 
Your Local Gay Wordsmith.